ZOINKS!!!!

While it was arguably the least funny long-running sitcom in TV history ("Full House" is the only show that I can think of that presents a compelling challenge to that view), I'll admit that I did watch "Saved by the Bell" throughout my teen-age years. It certainly wasn't "Must See TV" at the time but the show offered a few reasons to tune in: The girls were cute; I could relate to the kids as they progressed through high school since they were all about the same age as me; and most importantly, the show provided a benign, "no thinking required" thirty-minute escape each Saturday morning. Bayside High presented an unlikely social milieu where the details really didn't matter. Think about it. The Hispanic guy had the very Anglo surname "Slater" (good job for anyone who knew that the "AC" stood for "Albert Clifford"). Zach got a 1502 on his SATs (in my lifetime, it's been impossible to get a 1502 since the scores are calculated exclusively in increments of 10). And most bewildering was the fact that the "cool" guys (Zach and Slater) and the popular girls (Lisa, Kelly, and Jessie) in an image-conscious California high school would allow an annoying dork like Screech to hang with them. But that's the kind of kids that they were; sure, they got mixed up in all sorts of teen-age high-jinks (usually at Principal Belding's expense), but they were likeable, wholesole kids at heart just looking to have a good time as they cruised through school. Right?

Well, as the years have passed, a more complex portrait of the Bayside kids has emerged. First, Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie) starred in a mid-90s flop about a stripper called "Showgirls" that received universally dreadful reviews. Then Mario Lopez ruined his future with wife-to-be, uber-babe Ali Landry by cheating at his bachelor party. Way to go Slater!! Recently, Lark Voorhies (who played shopaholic rich girl and the desire of Screech's affection, Lisa Turtle)was said by a tabloid to be a major drug abuser; she's currently suing. And finally, we have beloved dweeb Screech, played by Dustin Diamond.
Currently, Diamond is hawking $15 t-shirts online emblazoned with his character's image and the name "Screeech" (with three "e"'s to circumvent copyright restrictions) in an effort to save his Milwaukee house from being foreclosed. He needs to raise $250K by the end of June to keep the home. Say it ain't so, Screech (sorry, I mean "Screeech")!!! On the verge of losing your home?? In MILWAUKEE???? Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Apparently, that rousing victory over Arnold Horshack (Ron Palillo of "Welcome Back Kotter" fame) in Celebrity Boxing back in 2002 didn't fetch enough money to bankroll your life in the Badger State. Anyway, best of luck with the fund-raising man!